This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior    
                       citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.            
                     They hired him because he was so funny.....            
                                                                  
NAME: Kenneth Way, (Grumpy Bastard)                
                                                                            
             SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
(or at least one who will cooperate)                  
                                                                            
            DESIRED POSITION:  Company's President or Vice President.  But  seriously, whatever's available.   If I was in a position to be  picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?      
                                                                            
              DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a    
           Michael Ovitz style severance package.  If that's not possible,  
                           make an offer and we can haggle.                
                                                                            
                                   EDUCATION: Yes.                          
                                                                            
             LAST POSIT ION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.  
                                                                            
                     PREVIOUS SALARY:  A lot less than I'm worth.          
                                                                            
            MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen 
                               pens and post-it notes.                      
                                                                            
                            REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.                  
                                                                            
                           HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK :  Any.                  
                                                                            
           PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.  
                                                                            
           DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.                  
                                                                            
           MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:  If I had one, would I be here?                              
                                                                            
           DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
                          LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:  Of what?                
                                                                            
            DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here  would be "Do you have a car that runs?"              
                                                                            
             HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House  Sweepstakes, so they tell me.                  
                                                                            
               DO YOU SMOKE?:  On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!          
                                                                            
            WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.        
                       Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.            
                                                                            
                             NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles                    
                                                                            
            DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  Oh yes, absolutely.                
                                                                            
                                ***Old People Rock!***